Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
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