i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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