there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
