Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
