you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
