kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
