He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
