I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
