I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
