weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize
