I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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