I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
did i just pee glitter
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
