Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
