Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
