My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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