; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
