New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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