Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
