i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
