Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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