It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize