It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
