Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
