You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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