i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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