Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
