so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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