You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
