I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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