Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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