there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
