My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Bang-toberfest begins!!
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
