i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
