i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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