a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
