Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
