Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
