oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
