Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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