I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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