My cat gives me a boner
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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