i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
