I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
