Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
