Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
