he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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