I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize