Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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