i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
