we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize