I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
