It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
