So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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