Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
