you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
