I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize