Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
