OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
how drunk are you?
Several
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
