ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
