Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
