I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
