There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
