I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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