Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
